Just as the title says, this entry is all about feeling sorry for myself, so read it at your own discretion. Let me preface also by saying I only went to boot camp once this week. . totally my bad. I'm not going to get into reasons or excuses, it is what it is.
OK, so boot camp. There were 9 of us there working or a$$es off. During the course of the class, our trainer told us that on Monday night at our "amazing chase" challenge there will be 5 people from each team that will do the physical portion challenge. Apparently the rest will be the cheering section. At the end of the class, she asked 3 of the people there if they were "up" for being part of the "Active 5" (not to be confused with the Jackson 5). The remaining 6 of us weren't offered the opportunity to be part of this elite group. I'm not going to lie, I AM PISSED. I know my trainer did not mean anything offensive. The bottom line is that once again I am being picked last because I am fat. Not only myself, but the other 6 that were at boot camp with me. What is the point of us even going on Monday. We were told that we would be the "brains" for the "runners". If I weren't dedicated to my team, I would keep my a$$ at home and do my own workout. I will go and stand there like an idiot, cheering on the Active 5. I will pretend that I don't realize that it is all about the winning and coming in 1st. I will try to not be upset at the fact that despite all of my and the majority of my team mates hard work, we are not good enough. I fully realize that I am NOT the strongest, the fastest, or most talented. I AM loyal, hardworking, and putting 100% effort into this. Maybe when we actually get there it will be different, but it sure doesn't sound like it. What is the saying "always a bridesmaid, never a bride?" Maybe my saying on Monday will be "always a cheerleader, never a leader". :)
If you have kept reading, I will not apologize, you had fair warning that this was not a positive, inspirational post. It was pure emotional ANGER. I should turn that anger into motivation, but not tonight, I'm too pissed.
A funny story from boot camp. There is a guy on our team who is an animal. He is a beast. He works ridiculously hard, and had done amazingly well. (Yes, he is one of the Amazing 5). So, we have to partner up and head to "the hill". Since I am the only one of the group that is built like a man, I am placed with him for the drill. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with talent, strength, or skill. Purely size. We have a resistance band that I have to put around my waist, while he pulls a TON of resistance and then I am told to SPRINT up the hill. OK, he is a machine with amazing man strength. I was trying to drag his ass and mine up "the hill", feeling like a dying work horse trying to pull the Pioneers across the prairie. HOLY CRAP, we had to do this 3 times, and then switch. To put things in perspective of what strength he has, it took me and the trainer to hold him back while he was sprinting up "the hill", and I still don't think it was challenging to him. Again, what this must have looked like is beyond me, but whatever.
So, on Monday, I will cheer on the team, and will get over my jealousy that I am not one chosen to participate. (Personally, we ALL should be participating) I will keep on keepin' on.
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