Monday. Boot Camp. No weigh in this week. (Good because according to my scale at home I need to refocus!) I was 10 minutes late for boot camp. . . for some reason I was thinking it started at 6pm instead of 5:30, so I started the night out behind the 8 ball. For a fleeting minute, I did consider not even going, but that was what I would have done in the past, but now I wanted to go. WANTED to exercise, holy moly. Anyway, I digress. There was 1 of my WFMH pals there, and 9 other die hards. The people who look good exercising, who look like they are having fun while working out, who rarely sweat, and who probably never crave something prepared in a pot of hot oil. They are mostly the people who avoid eye contact with me, for fear of absorbing some of my weight, I guess. Tonight our trainer told us to "pair up with someone of equal size and strength". As you can predict, there was not a bunch of people fighting over my WFMH buddy and I. I was told to be with the lone guy in the group. Figures, I'm used to that. NOT because I am strong, but I am built like a man. (A BIG man). So, I literally see the dude ROLL HIS EYES when he heard that we were partnered. Our task was for one of us to wear a resistance band around our waist and the other one to hold as much resistance as possible while the other one tries to sprint. I could tell that the dude was pretty confident he was going to not be challenged. Game on, sucka. I dug my heels in and pulled as hard as I possibly could. I made it as hard as I could, and used every pound of my overweight body to hold that finely tuned athlete back. Then there was retribution, leading to respect. HE COULD NOT FINISH. He couldn't breathe, he was sweating like a hooker in church (thanks to my brother for that reference), he was dying. I was elated. It actually gave me some motivation to pull him as hard as I could, to show him that fat people are not all weak, junk food eating, unmotivated people. He again worked his ass off, as did I, but it felt good. AND, at the end of it all, between gasping breaths, he told me "good job". THEN we had to pair up for another resistance activity and he automatically decided that the tall, fat girl COULD challenge him a bit. The trainer said we make a good pair and he said "No shit". So, lesson learned, don't mess with the fat people because you just never know when they will use every fat cell in their body to kick your muscular ass. Bring it! I realize that I'm appearing a bit arrogant right now, and I don't care. It was one of the best moments at boot camp . . . ever. I may not be the fastest, or the most coordinated, but I CAN contribute, and I WILL work as hard as anyone else.
However, the humbling moments still outnumber the overly confident moments by a ton. I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror today and seriously thought I looked like a man trying to dress like a woman. It frightened me, really frightened me. I don't buy the whole "big boned" bull shit. So, it only means I can do one thing to loose the masculine build. . . and by now, you know well what that is. . . I'm going to keep on keepin' on. . . .
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