The end of the begining

Tonight was the final weigh and measure for WFMH.  We had been "on our own" for 4 weeks so this was a test of how well we did.  It was also the final measurement to determine the winner of the final 3.  Reminder, I was NOT in the final three.  Anyway, we also had our final measurements of our neck, hips, chest, arms, legs, shoulders and waist.  We had not had those taken since week one (8-29-10).  I wasn't even nervous tonight, after all, what good would it really do?  I was kind of excited, but knowing my somewhat "the glass is half empty" mentality when it comes to myself and my weight, I knew it would NEVER be enough.  I had a KILLER headache going into boot camp tonight that carried over into the weigh in.  I know it was because I hadn't really eaten or had anything to drink today-wanted to be at my best for the weigh and measure! Consequently I darn near died from NO energy and the head ache.  I digress.
My totals since starting WFMH are:  weight down 24lbs, and over 20" total lost combining all of my measurements.  My biggest inches of loss were on my hips (yeah), chest, and waist.  I have to be happy, but am already thinking about what I need to do to lose more weight and inches.  The only obvious choice is to keep going to boot camp and try to maintain some sense of control with my eating.  That continues to be my nemesis, but it is life, so I will just roll with it.  (Hopefully there will be less of me rolling!)  Brady has joined boot camp also, so the competitive spirit will kick in and maybe help me to maintain and quite possibly elevate my level of motivation and dedication.  :) 
I am VERY excited that I do not have to make a resolution to exercise and lose weight this New Year's. . . I'm already on target.  So, I guess my only resolution is to keep on keepin' on. . .

Motivation

I really do not like this time of year.  It is cold, it is dark, and it is hard to eat healthy.  I like to think of "comfort foods" when it gets cold out, and I like love to cook and bake around the holidays.  It isn't much fun to look for recipes for a new relish tray, or fruit bowl.  Not to mention, there isn't a lot of variety for these types of foods.  I did go to a healthy cooking class at my boot camp, and the information and food was awesome, however, it all reverts back to those two words. . . portion control.  I have none.  N-O-N-E.  If one piece of pizza tastes good, then I have more..  .lots more.  If there are "snacks" like chips, crackers, cheese, or any other salty, carb ridden foods around, I'm there.  It makes me mad, even as I'm eating them because I know they are not the best choices, and I know I need to stop.  But. I. Can't.  THEN, after I indulge, I beat myself up with endless amounts of guilt about losing control and falling off the wagon.  It probably isn't the same,but to some degree I can relate to people with other addictions and how hard it is to stop.  I know what I should do, trust me, I've been to more weight watcher meetings than I care to think about.  I am great at encouraging others and giving suggestions, but I SUCK at following my own advice.
Thanksgiving was no different.  We were in Alabama with Brady's family and exposed to A LOT of great food and believe you me, I tasted all of it.  The entire drive home I was obsessing about what I had eaten and the sad reality that I had only taken one walk.  I was craving boot camp.  THAT is the kind of craving I want.  Monday couldn't have came soon enough.  The boot camp felt wonderful.  I tried to work as hard as possible, with my brain constantly thinking of everything I had eaten, and how many boot camps I would have to go to to not only balance all of the food I had eaten, but to start the weight loss again. 
I am kind of nervous about not weighing in weekly, since I didn't rejoin Wealth for my Health for the second session. I can so easily rationalize that it will be ok to eat something and "start over tomorrow".  That is the EXACT mentality that has plagued me all of my life.   Hopefully, I will stay on target because I purchased a package of boot camps and am still planning to go at least twice a week, three being ideal.  I still like boot camp and the way it makes me feel, but I am very unsatisfied with how I still look.  I know that the weight loss being slow is better and has a better chance of lasting longer, but as with everything else in my life, I want results NOW. 
SO, I'm developing a "habit" of exercise, and would like to do more.  However, the eating and food choices still have a long, long way to go.  That only means that I will keep on keepin' on. . .

Bucket List

I have heard many people speak of their "bucket list".  I have never really thought about what I would have on my "bucket list", but a 5K would have to be up there.  Now, don't get me wrong, I have done several 5K's.  Several.  NEVER have I been able to jog more than I ran.  NEVER have I been able to keep up with my mom.  NEVER have I felt like I was a competitor.  Until today.  Today I participated in the Jingle Bell run for Arthritis.  It was a 5K and several WFMH people participated.  I was hoping that since starting my quest for a healthier lifestyle, I would be able to be more "athletic".  I knew I would not be running the entire thing.  I knew I would not finish in the front of the pack.  I KNEW I would finish, and I would work hard to make it competitive for myself. 
Thanks to constant encouragement from my WFMH pal, Monte, and my mom, I was able to meet my goals.  I jogged more than I walked, I landed a personal best for time, and I was able to keep up with my mom.  It felt good.  I don't know an official time, but even the unofficial time that Brady kept was still 6 minutes better than the race I did in September. 
Monday is the final weigh in a measurements for the "top 3".  I won't make the cut.  I don't even care.  I have not only gotten stronger, lost a bit of weight, and hopefully lost some inches, but I have met some great people who I have total respect for.  Friday night was our final WFMH team boot camp.  We worked hard, but it wasn't as bad as that first one, 12 weeks ago.  We were able to talk during the workout, laugh, and push each other.  Just like the race today, it was good.
I'm not terribly worried about Thanksgiving.  I am not planning to eat like I am capable of, I am planning to  get some exercise in.  It will also be good.  We have our final, final measurements on December 13th.  Those are the ones I am most excited for.  I want to know how the encouragement from my trainers combined with my desire to be healthy has contributed to my loss of inches. 
I do not think I am going to re-enlist in WFMH.  It has been a great program and really jump started my lifestyle change.  When I was looking back to decide what to do, I realized that the thing I loved the most from WFMH was boot camp, it made sense that I should just continue with that.  Twice a week at a minimum, hopefully more on occasion will be my goal.  My long term goal is to shave a bunch of time off of my 1/2 marathon time.  I am not thinking that I will run the entire thing, but with my friend Monte, we certainly will give it our best shot.  It will be good.  I would have NEVER thought that I would LIKE exercise, especially boot camp.  I love the way I feel when I have completed a class.  I love sweating my brains out and breathing hard.  It feels soooooo good.
So, weigh and measure on Monday and in the mean time, I will keep on keepin' on. . . . .

Give Thanks

I am giving thanks that tonight is over.  Boot camp was one of the hardest I have ever endured.  I felt especially bad (physically and mentally) because a friend from work went with me for the first time, and she had to endure the same workout.  However, I couldn't be more proud of her for hanging in there and FINISHING.  She was tough.

After boot camp, we had a survivor type challenge for WFMH.  It was 3 parts, food tasting, trivia, and a physical challenge.  The food was GROSS.  Pickled herring, pickled watermelon rind, some Indian dish with spinach, and two drinks, one of which looked like something that came from the toilet.  The trivia was trying to guess the "diet of the decade" from the 20's through 2010.  I didn't have a clue, but didn't really care either.  The physical was tough.  We had to balance on a piece of PVC pipe and balance on a partner while moving it about 20 yards.  Sounds easy, but it wasn't.  I was partnered with my boot camp buddy, Rob.  He made me laugh the entire time and I almost fell off several times because of his humor.  AFTER this, we had to sprint.  I came in second to last of my group with the sprinting, but at least I wasn't last!!  It took me almost the entire drive home to catch my breath!

Next week is the final weight and measurement to see who makes the top 3.  I won't be there (in the top 3), but that's OK.  I hope to lose lbs. and inches.  Boot camp again on Friday, which is the last one for WFMH, and then the Jingle Bell run on Saturday.  If I can just maintain some degree of good nutrition between now  and then, I will feel OK.  Nutrition is still my weakness.  We have our final measurements on December 13th.  We will be on our own after this Friday, but I am going to keep going to boot camp twice a week.  THAT is my new habit.  I am not sure if I am going to do WFMH next time, or just keep going to boot camp.  I do know that I am going to keep doing something.  I have a long way (weigh) to go, but I am going to get there.  I love the way I feel after I exercise.  In a warped way, I love being a little sore in the days following boot camp, it makes me think I have worked hard and am making progress.  Twisted, I know.

Tonight I was down 1.2 lbs. and that makes a grand total of 18.6.  Not bad.  MUCH better than gaining that much.  Time for bed, the workout(s) tonight have kicked my butt, and tomorrow will come way too soon.  Until next time, you know I will be keep on keepin' on. . . . . . .

retribution or respect?

Monday.  Boot Camp.  No weigh in this week.  (Good because according to my scale at home I need to refocus!)  I was 10 minutes late for boot camp. . . for some reason I was thinking it started at 6pm instead of 5:30, so I started the night out behind the 8 ball.  For a fleeting minute, I did consider not even going, but that was what I would have done in the past, but now I wanted to go.  WANTED to exercise, holy moly.  Anyway, I digress.  There was 1 of my WFMH pals there, and 9 other die hards.  The people who look good exercising, who look like they are having fun while working out, who rarely sweat, and who probably never crave something prepared in a pot of hot oil.  They are mostly the people who avoid eye contact with me, for fear of absorbing some of my weight, I guess.  Tonight our trainer told us to "pair up with someone of equal size and strength".  As you can predict, there was not a bunch of people fighting over my WFMH buddy and I.  I was told to be with the lone guy in the group.  Figures, I'm used to that.  NOT because I am strong, but I am built like a man.  (A BIG man).  So, I literally see the dude ROLL HIS EYES when he heard that we were partnered.  Our task was for one of us to wear a resistance band around our waist and the other one to hold as much resistance as possible while the other one tries to sprint.  I could tell that the dude was pretty confident he was going to not be challenged.  Game on, sucka.  I dug my heels in and pulled as hard as I possibly could.  I made it as hard as I could, and used every pound of my overweight body to hold that finely tuned athlete back.  Then there was retribution, leading to respect.  HE COULD NOT FINISH.  He couldn't breathe, he was sweating like a hooker in church (thanks to my brother for that reference), he was dying.  I was elated.  It actually gave me some motivation to pull him as hard as I could, to show him that fat people are not all weak, junk food eating, unmotivated people.  He again worked his ass off, as did I, but it felt good.  AND, at the end of it all, between gasping breaths, he told me "good job".  THEN we had to pair up for another resistance activity and he automatically decided that the tall, fat girl COULD challenge him a bit.  The trainer said we make a good pair and he said "No shit".  So, lesson learned, don't mess with the fat people because you just never know when they will use every fat cell in their body to kick your muscular ass.  Bring it!  I realize that I'm appearing a bit arrogant right now, and I don't care.  It was one of the best moments at boot camp . . . ever.  I may not be the fastest, or the most coordinated, but I CAN contribute, and I WILL work as hard as anyone else. 

However, the humbling moments still outnumber the overly confident moments by a ton.  I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror today and seriously thought I looked like a man trying to dress like a woman.  It frightened me, really frightened me.  I don't buy the whole "big boned" bull shit.  So, it only means I can do one thing to loose the masculine build. . . and by now, you know well what that is. . . I'm going to keep on keepin' on. . . .

Fall

Fall.  I love the word.  Fall means pretty colors, cooler temperatures, and Halloween. I also love the word Fall when it directly describes the scale on Monday night.  Tonight was a good night on the scale, and I have no idea why.  3.4lbs for a grand total of 17.4 down.  God is good.  I did not make it to boot camp Friday night (I was partying with 20+ first grade girls for Halloween) and I was feeling extremely guilty.  I then ditched the walking/running group I joined on Saturday because my fat fanny was too lazy to get there.  I did not eat well.  . . so it can only be the grace of God that allowed me to lose this week.  I know that this will not continue without more awareness, dedication, and work from me. 

I was feeling good about my progress, and then. . .it. . .. happened.  I was downloading some pictures from the weekend and there was one picture that I was in.  Darn it.  It brought me back to reality VERY quickly.  I still saw a fat chic staring back.  Now, I know that there is less fat than before, but still fat.  My ass doesn't quite resemble a fireplace mantle, and my back doesn't have such a large water buffalo hump, BUT.  It's the buts (and butts) that get me every stinking time.  I don't think I will be in any more pictures for quite a bit. . .it is not a proud moment for me.  I would rather just go to boot camp, try to eat right, and stay away from cameras and mirrors.  It is much less stressful for me.

I DID sign up for a 5k race the end of November.  My mom is going to do it with me.  (Thanks, mom).  She always is able to kick my ass in these races, so the goal I have set for myself is to keep up with her.  She is a machine, great shape, great figure, great mom.  I just want to keep her pace. . . . I don't have a set time I'm aiming for, but I do recall how long it took me to do a 5K in September, and hopefully I will cut a few seconds off of that.  I did join a WFMH group on Saturday mornings that is walking/jogging/running.  I am NOT going to be a runner, but if I can develop and maintain a brisk pace with walking and jogging, that will be a success in my book.  It's nice, because again, there are no professional runners in the group.  We are all non athletes with extra pounds, trying to avoid an early death from obesity related complications.  :)

So, brisk walking, boot camp, healthier eating, and avoiding cameras all contribute to my plan to keep on keepin' on. . . .

BTW, registration for the next session of Wealth for My Health starts soon. . .any takers on joining me for a second session???

by the hair of my chinny, chin chin

I am still in. . . .in the competition that is.  I dropped from #20 to #22, and the top 27 remained, so while I am still "in", I am NOT even close to the top three and the final prize at the end.  That is ok though, I have said all along that I am not in it to win it, but rather to develop life long habits (such as exercise).  I must say that on the days that I don't exercise I feel bad (physically and mentally).  That is a big change for me.  It the recent past, it used to be that on the days I DID exercise (which weren't many) I felt bad in every way.  Progress. 

Boot camps are still T-O-U-G-H.  Not getting any easier, and on the days that I go with the general population and not the WFMH group, they are really killer.  The physically fit people still  look down their noses as me, and some still appear to feel sorry for me, and NO ONE wants to be my partner.  I DON'T CARE.  If they only knew the progress (albeit small) I have made, they would cheer me on, and maybe not fear having to be my partner.  Their loss.  On the other hand, I LOVE the Friday boot camp.  Those are my people, they are floating in my boat, and understand everything about my journey to fitness.  I don't feel bad when I have to do the "modified" version of an exercise in front of them, I don't feel bad when I am the last one done running (yes my friends, I am RUNNING), and I don't feel bad when my stomach still jiggles like the Thanksgiving jell-o mold.  They are my people.  They understand, they cheer, and they keep coming back, knowing full well that it will be another ass kicking hour of exercise!

Running.  Now don't get excited, I am not training for a half marathon, or even a 5K, but I am also not running to the street anymore, and consistently running (jogging really) to the bridge with minimal walking, but it is progress.  The WFMH people are getting a Saturday morning walk/run club going and I am seriously considering doing it.  My bucket list is short, and the top of it is to complete a 5K with doing more jogging than running.  Baby steps. 

Eating.  Damn, that still kills me.  If I could be more consistent with that, I would be farther up on the list.  I love food, and I hate to journal about the food I love. As long as I am exercising and the #'s are moving down, I am not going to freak out about the food.  I am doing as good as I can right now, and rather than get my anxiety all out of control, I am going to accept things as they are. 

My family is still being awesome about all of this. BK has NEVER complained about me being gone to boot camp or meetings, and is ALWAYS supportive of my progress.  THAT is comforting in and of itself.  I owe them all, but hopefully if I establish and maintain some healthy habits, they will follow suit and in the long run we will all be better off.  I want my kids to make exercise a routine part of their lives so that when they are 40 they are not in my situation.

The numbers to current.  Nothing astonishing, but at least they are less than they were on 8-29-10.  Weight is down 14 lbs., abdomen circumference is down about 3 1/2 inches, and body fat is down 2.9.  I'm certain (positive) I would still fall into the "obese" category, but who really gives a shit what category they are in as long as they are doing something to change!

So, that is the latest.  I'm headed to dance for my daughter tonight, which means walking for me in order to keep on keepin' on.

Half way there

Sorry for the delay in posts, for the two of you that read.  I bet you are wondering if I have fallen off the wagon, bellied up to the buffet, went AWOL from boot camp, or just plan called it quits.  The answer to ALL of the above is NO, no I haven't done anything in any way to quit.  I am still going to boot camp, still trying to be active on non boot camp days, and trying to eat right. 

We are at the half way mark, and I must say I have hit a wall.  I have struggled more this past two weeks with my diet and being active than I have the entire time.  I have nothing to attribute it to other than shear and complete laziness.  It pisses me off when I don't do something to exercise everyday, as much as it pisses me off when I eat like crap.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not pigging out on fast food and crap, but I am not eating enough fruit and veggies.  Salt has been my friend, not a good friend.  I lost a titch of weight this week, but not enough.  I had hoped that by this point in the game I would have lost a helluva lot more.   

The reality really hit me today.  We get weighed and measured on Monday and I want to "move on" (as opposed to be eliminated) but am not going to if I don't kick it up a notch.  My daughter and I went to the bike path tonight and exercised for 2 miles.  She was like a mini personal trainer.  She was setting goals for me for when to run and when to walk, and when I was running, she was yelling positive words to me the entire time.  She was biking while coaching me.  I still had trouble running, but tried to keep up with the goals set by my the trainer. While I was jogging (and I can still feel my butt flopping up and down in rhythm to my steps) I was thinking how glad I am  that she likes exercise and how important it is to have her make it a habit now, rather than when she is a fat 40 something mama. 

The "beast" that I spoke of in an earlier post, the one who holds me back on "the hill" on Friday night, is in FIRST PLACE over all.  I am so proud of him and jokingly let him know that I feel that in a small way I have contributed to his success.  Now, if I could have half of his success I would be a more (not totally) happy woman.  I probably could have some of his success if I worked my ass off like he does.  He told me that the only day he doesn't work out, work out HARD, is Sunday.  He deserves to be in first place.  Way to go Rob. 

So, game on for an active weekend.  Game on for healthy eating, and game on to keep on keepin' on!!!

eating crow

True to the way my life goes, I complain about something and then it all works out.  Case in point. . .my last post and what actually happened on Monday night.  My team had a huge turn out, and contrary to what I thought was true. . . . we ALL worked out, but 3 people did do a bit more.  We started out by doing 20 jumping jacks right there on the side walk across from the Lied Center. . . I was just praying that I wouldn't pee myself with each jumping jack.  I would venture to guess that a lot of other females in the group were praying the same prayer.  After jumping jacks, the 3 people took off on their adventure, and the rest of us (10) were given a clue and told it was non timed and non competitive.  We were to find some naked bodies downtown.  We came in dead last because we found EVERY stinking thing that resembled a naked body besides what we were supposed to find.  SO one hour later, and jogging all over downtown Lincoln, we finally found some naked bodies on a building across from the capitol. Instead of the 1.8 miles we were supposed to do, I'd say we were double that.   We all agreed that we wanted to burn some fat, so most of us jogged a lot of it.  It was fun and felt good.  I hope no one I know saw me jogging down O street though, trust me, it ain't pretty.  I don't even care that we got lost, or came in dead last. . . it was the idea that in the end we all got to participate in some way and didn't have to stand on the sidewalk like the fat kid no one wants on their team. 

Tonight, a friend and I went on a fast walk, and I jogged about the last 1/8 of a mile home.  I have made it a goal to jog at least 1 full mile without stopping by Thanksgiving.  I did get summoned for federal jury duty the entire month of November, it better not interfere with my exercising. I know it is my civil duty, but it is also my duty to maintain my quest for health.

Back on the scale this coming Monday, so keep on keepin' on. . . .

Pity Party

Just as the title says, this entry is all about feeling sorry for myself, so read it at your own discretion.  Let me preface also by saying I only went to boot camp once this week. . totally my bad.  I'm not going to get into reasons or excuses, it is what it is.

OK, so boot camp.  There were 9 of us there working or a$$es off.  During the course of the class, our trainer told us that on Monday night at our "amazing chase" challenge there will be 5 people from each team that will do the physical portion challenge.  Apparently the rest will be the cheering section.  At the end of the class, she asked 3 of the people there if they were "up" for being part of the "Active 5" (not to be confused with the Jackson 5).  The remaining 6 of us weren't offered the opportunity to be part of this elite group.  I'm not going to lie, I AM PISSED.  I know my trainer did not mean anything offensive.  The bottom line is that once again I am being picked last because I am fat.  Not only myself, but the other 6 that were at boot camp with me.  What is the point of us even going on Monday.  We were told that we would be the "brains" for the "runners".  If I weren't dedicated to my team, I would keep my a$$ at home and do my own workout.  I will go and stand there like an idiot, cheering on the Active 5.  I will pretend that I don't realize that it is all about the winning and coming in 1st.  I will try to not be upset at the fact that despite all of my and the majority of my team mates hard work, we are not good enough.  I fully realize that I am NOT the strongest, the fastest, or most talented.  I AM loyal, hardworking, and putting 100% effort into this.  Maybe when we actually get there it will be different, but it sure doesn't sound like it.  What is the saying "always a bridesmaid, never a bride?"  Maybe my saying on Monday will be "always  a cheerleader, never a leader".  :) 

If you have kept reading, I will not apologize, you had fair warning that this was not a positive, inspirational post.  It was pure emotional ANGER.  I should turn that anger into motivation, but not tonight, I'm too pissed.

A funny story from boot camp.  There is a guy on our team who is an animal.  He is a beast.  He works ridiculously hard, and had done amazingly well.  (Yes, he is one of the Amazing 5).  So, we have to partner up and head to "the hill".  Since I am the only one of the group that is built like a man, I am placed with him for the drill.  It has absolutely NOTHING to do with talent, strength, or skill.  Purely size.  We have a resistance band that I have to put around my waist, while he pulls a TON of resistance and then I am told to SPRINT up the hill.  OK, he is a machine with amazing man strength.  I was trying to drag his ass and mine up "the hill", feeling like a dying work horse trying to pull the Pioneers across the prairie.  HOLY CRAP, we had to do this 3 times, and then switch.  To put things in perspective of what strength he has, it took me and the trainer to hold him back while he was sprinting up "the hill", and I still don't think it was challenging to him.  Again, what this must have looked like is beyond me, but whatever.

So, on Monday, I will cheer on the team, and will get over my jealousy that I am not one chosen to participate.  (Personally, we ALL should be participating)  I will keep on keepin' on.

week 6

The beginning of week 6. . . wow.  When WFMH started, I hoped that by this point, I would be running road races, sleek and slim, and addicted to vegetables.   Well, I am jogging more to       " the bridge" more at boot camp, down 11 pounds, and making better food choices. . . so, all in all, while I have not met my delusional goals, I am headed in the right direction. I don't remember a time when I haven't wanted IMMEDIATE results. I am NOT a patient person, just ask my family.  
While I survived the first elimination, I am envious of those individuals at the top of the leader board.  I  learned that several of those individuals are attending boot camp multiple times a week, and eating all of the right things.  It is not feasible for me to attend boot camp more than twice a week, and I have a family to consider when eating.  I want them to be healthy , but I do not want them to feel deprived or punished for my eating dysfunction.  AFTER I get my own routine down and achieve the results I want, THEN I will work on getting more creative with the rest of the fam and a quest for consistent healthy eating.  :)
Boot camp is NOT getting easier.  Each class they push us farther and challenge us more.  The stuff we are doing is activity that I NEVER EVER thought I could or would do.  I DO think however that if someone video taped the charade they could win the prize on America's Funniest Home Videos. . . .it is a sight.  This is not an invitation however for some whack-a-do  with a camera to have open season on fatties trying to slim down and shape up.  Our team had shirts made with the motto "just shut up and do it" on the back.  We will be wearing them on Monday night when we are doing our own version of the amazing race throughout downtown Lincoln.  Won't it be a site in downtown on Monday night with a plethora of fat people in team specific colored T-shirts exercising as if we have been doing it our entire life,when in reality we were really deciding what we would be having for our next meal. 
Last night I walked on a path while my daughter was at dance.  This is my routine every Tuesday night. . . I was feeling pretty good about my pace and even thinking that if I didn't need to pee so bad I possibly could have jogged a few steps.  You could say I was feeling pretty good about myself.  Then. It. Hit.  A toned, tan, blonde with the sun perfectly setting behind her came jogging around the corner.  She wasn't breathing heavy and looked good sweating.  She made eye contact with me in an almost apologetic manner, as if she felt bad that she was jogging and looking good and despite my success over the past 5 weeks, I was STILL looking fat, frumpy, and a big ball of sweat. Reality bites.
So, that's about it.  Keep on, keepin' on. Until next time. . .

A month, a measure, and a burrito

One month down with WFMH.  Today was our first official measurement.  I spent my entire day trying to convince myself that a gain would be ok, and if I were not allowed to "go on" in the challenge toward the final 3, that was ok also.  I am, after all, in it to change my habits.  The organizer, Sara, knows me well already.  She knows that she does not say my weight, or any measurements out loud, and writes them down for me to view when I am ready.  She also looked over my food diary, and agreed that I am NOT eating enough.  Again,  total shock, because a person with my BMI hasn't been encouraged to eat more very often in life.  :)  SO, more careful documentation of what I eat, starting tomorrow (GAG) and maybe eating a bit more, healthy of course. 
The measurement.  I lost .6lb, so I did not make my 10lb goal.  BUMMER.  I lost 2" around my abdomen, and 1.something for body fat.  I'm not certain where that puts me in "the pack", but I am hopeful to remain in the chase a bit longer.  There were some great numbers that I heard people talking about.  Great success stories, however, I wonder if those people will be able to maintain those lifestyles after the competition is over?  Rationalization on my part.   Anyway, kudos to them, it sounds like everyone is working their butts off in one way or another.  Speaking of working butts off, I did a 5K for diabetes yesterday.  It was designed and marketed as a "non competitive" walk.  I didn't make it competitive, but I also walked as fast as I could with some jogging thrown in to make me feel like an athlete.  I'm sure the others doing the walk must have thought I was some kind of freak, after all, I am STILL FAT, and to see my jiggles wiggling down the trail must have been a sight. 
The burrito.  I did it.  On the way home I drove through and got one of the shrimp burritos that I have been craving for days.  It was beyond delicious.  Every spicy bite was a taste of what heaven must be like.  I drove home eating it in utter comfort.  Now, I know what you must be thinking. . .rewarding with food?  Not a good choice.  You are right, however, I like instant gratification and there was not a pedicure place open at 9pm to give me some gratification, so I went with the shrimp burrito option.  DE-LISH-US.  MMMM mmmmmm good.  I figure to eliminate it totally would be an exercise in futility because I would eventually eat shrimp burritos AND chips with guacamole. . .a REALLY bad choice.  I am satisfied, I am comfortable, and I am ready to keep on keepin' on. 

Until next time. . .

Food

Food.  Food is good, food is bad, food is something I dearly love.  Food is part of the reason I am in the predicament that I am in.  I love to cook, I love to bake, I love to eat.  Food has been on my mind a lot this week.  I have been STARVING from the time I wake up until the moment I go to bed.  I am so hungry for a seafood burrito from my favorite Mexican joint, I don't know what to do.  However, I still have not written down a single thing that I ate this week.  I DETEST keeping a food journal. . .not because of what I eat, but because I do not want to take the time to write down what I ate, along with all of the nutritional information.  This is probably going to be the one part of WFMH that I struggle with.  The entire goal of this challenge is to develop healthy habits that are life long. . . keeping a food journal is NOT something I have any desire to make life long.  I'm certain that my low numbers on the scale is directly proportional to my documenting my food in my head.  I seem to forget all of the BLT's I consume.  (BLT= bite, lick, and taste)  I know if I did journal on paper, the dietitian could probably be of some help. . . .
My trainer Heidi was talking to me about it tonight and I told her my frustration with low loss numbers as well as feeling like I am working my ass off and not having it reflected on the scale.  She encouraged me to journal, and asked me if it could be possible that I am not eating enough.  I about passed out.  When was the last time someone asked me if I wasn't eating ENOUGH?  That has NEVER been a problem for me.  N-E-V-E-R.  I never forget to eat, rarely am not thinking about food (did I mention the seafood burrito I am craving), or not contemplating what we are going to eat for our next meal.  The thought of not eating enough is about as crazy as the fact that this conversation with Heidi and I took place while we were JOGGING to the bridge.  Yes friends, I jogged to the bridge again.  I love it when Heidi pushes me to do that.  It makes me feel like I am not doing the bare minimum to get by.  I want to push myself to the absolute maximum. 

Monday night we get our first measurements taken since we have started.  I am already anxious (go figure) and trying to mentally prepare myself for the possibility that I will be eliminated.  This will not alter my ability to continue, just removes the possibility of me being in the top three.  Even though I said I wasn't in it for the money, getting eliminated the first week does suck.  It's like being picked last for the teams because no one really wants you, but there isn't anyone else to choose from. 

So, I am going to exercise  Saturday and Sunday, make good food choices, and hand the rest over to God.  I highly doubt I will be journaling either. . .I'm just sayin'.  So, keep on keepin' on, and dreaming of the burrito. . . .

Until next time . . .

One, Two, Three

Well, at least the moment of truth is over for this week.  I was again having immense anxiety prior to getting on the scale.  I made the mistake of letting myself get on the scale at home and so I think know that exacerbated the anxiety.  I am not certain of what I thought would be an acceptable weight loss, but I am certain that I wanted A LOSS.  I can honestly say that I did not eat poorly last week and I exercised every darn day, except Friday.  Although, I did dance SO much at the concert, so that should count for something.  I was hoping for big numbers.  However, I did not write down any of my food and that is a definite bad thing.  That is my goal for the new week. . . journal, journal, journal.  I am also thinking about having some metabolic testing done with the dietitian to get an accurate feel for what my bodies metabolism is (or isn't) in relationship to the calories I need to lose weight.  I had a long conversation with a dietitian at a different Hy-Vee over the weekend and she was very helpful and offered some great suggestions.  I have also promised myself that I will not get caught up in the competition, but rather focus on lifestyle changes that will continue long beyond WFMH.  However, tonight at the meeting/weigh in, I heard other competitors talking about their work outs, diet, and weight loss and IMMEDIATELY started strategizing on what I could do to kick it up a notch. . . or two.  I am committed to boot camp twice weekly AND exercising at home on non boot camp days. 

So, what was the grand total for today?  Keep in mind that this was for TWO weeks. . and the number was. . .. exactly 3 damn pounds.  3 FREAKING pounds.  Pathetic for two weeks, especially two weeks of not eating much and exercising a hell of a lot more than my body is used to.  However, I am much more happy with 3 off rather than 3 on!  My grand total is just under 10 pounds, and I WILL hit ten pounds by next week.  We also get measured and the first group is eliminated, although they are not using the term eliminated, "too negative", but rather "those moving on".  It doesn't matter though, no matter how much anxiety I have, it still is what it is and I will stick with it no matter what happens on the scale or with the tape measure. 

Thanks for reading.  If you are a spiritual person, I would appreciate you throwing up a few prayers for me to stay strong, stay focused, and become more positive in my journey to health and fitness.  Keep on keepin' on.  . . until next time.

Motivation and Inspiration

Thank you to those of you that read this. . . I didn't actually think anyone besides my mom was reading. . .and she has to, she's my mom.  However, I have learned that there are a few more people tuning in.  I'm humbled, and also motivated by your encouraging words and support.  I'm also motivated by the accountability I feel to stick with this b/c of the "public" approach I have taken.  The last thing I want to do is to type an entry titled "failure, quitter, loser"; OK, maybe "loser" wouldn't be so bad, if it was in reference to the scale, and NOT my quitting. Speaking of the scale, I think we get weighed tomorrow night, and next Monday (27th) we get measured.  I am already having anxiety about not only weighing tomorrow night, but also getting measured.  What will I do if I gain, or don't lose inches?  I do NOT want to be the first eliminated.  I shouldn't be in the first elimination group. . . I have enough to lose that I should be able to show enough progress.  I did walk Saturday and today, but no "boot camp" type activity, and that is bad.  Bad because when I do go to boot camp this week, it will again kick my a$$, and, boot camp is what burns some serious calories. I seriously could make myself certifiably crazy if I thought about this all of the time, so I try to not dwell on what I am eating and doing for exercise.  I hope that this exercise is starting to become habit because on the days I don't do something, I feel bad (physically and mentally)!    I just want to start seeing and feeling some progress.  I still have the water buffalo hump on the top of my back, and I still have multiple chins. . . I took a picture of Brady and I at the Trace and Toby concert Friday night (btw, AWESOME, AWESOME concert), but deleted it immediately b/c it just made me ill to see my thick neck and chins.  I was watching football on Saturday and when they showed  the small pictures of the starting offense and defence, I seriously thought my neck was thicker than some of those boys.  UGH.  :)

Inspiration.  I am inspired by my WFMH team.  Inspired that they are working as hard, if not harder, than  I am and keep coming back for more.  They want health and fitness, just as bad as I do.  I am inspired by my cousin, Meg, who joined a boot camp and aerobics class this week.  She has some of the same struggles that I do, and while we have commiserated for a very long time about it, this is now our new topic of frequent conversation.  Game on, Meg.  WE can and will do this. 

So, until I have the courage to confess what happens on the scale tomorrow night, I will keep on keepin' on. . . until next time.

Screw You, Kate

Did you see the cover of the new People magazine?  It's our favorite fame whore, Kate Gosselin, showing off her "new body".  Words can't explain how I feel about her.  I can't stand her on so many different levels.  One big level is that I am flat out jealous of her body.  I am also jealous of the 3 chicks at boot camp tonight.  Toned, tight, and terribly fit.  Then there was me, fat, flabby, and forever short of breath.  We worked our butts off (or so it seemed) and it felt good.  Tonight was probably the hardest time I've had getting there, but again it felt so good to have gone and be done.  I can't go tomorrow night, Brady and I are going to Omaha for a concert for our anniversary.  He wants to go out to eat, which is fine, but doesn't hold the same level of excitement that it did 3 weeks ago.  I know I should eat to live, not live to eat, but the thought of going somewhere without kids, remotely nice and ordering a salad just sucks.  We get weighed on Monday, so I don't want to potentially gain because of my self pity.  Salads are nice. . . when someone else is eating them.

I am still motivated, but frustrated at the same time.  I am SO impatient and want to see some immediate results.  Not only in my clothes and the way they fit, but the endurance I have at boot camp.  It still seems as if I have no upper body or abdominal strength.  I'm fairly certain that my body resembles the Arch in St. Louis when I attempt to do push ups, with my ass being the top of the arch.  I am still doing the "modified" exercises that the others are doing the "real thing", all while carrying on a conversation.  I think I know how it feels to be the "special" student in the class.  I didn't even make it to the bridge tonight.

The thought of weighing on Monday already has me in a twit.  What if I gain?  I will be pissed.  All of this hard work for no loss is going to tip me over the edge.  I plan to work like a dog this weekend, my trainers gave me a workout to do at home on non boot camp days.  So if you see the Arch in my driveway, it isn't passing through, it is just me trying to do my push ups. 

The journey continues one squat, one lunge, one push up, one mountain climber (PAINFUL), one super man (Impossible), one butt kick, one high knee,  one jog at a time. . .

Until next time. . . .

Rain Rain go away

Come again when it isn't the amazing chase challenge day!  I was very excited for our first WFMH challenge tonight and Mother Nature put a big NO on those plans.  I did manage to get in a brief walk in between storms, but quit early due to the lightening.  There were tons of puddles and I hate to get struck by lightening just yet.  I think BK would still have to buy an oversize casket.  :)  When I got home tonight, the kids and I did some exercises, and that Miss KK has some strength.  S however is more like me. . .he broke out in a sweat just talking about the exercising. 
The bike ride was pathetic.  We biked up and down our street a few times (despite my desire for no neighbors to see me) and that was it.  It was late, and B's bike needed some maintenance.  We have a very slight incline in front of our house, NOT even close to a hill, and OMG my legs were burning.  K asked me what the problem was, and while I did tell her my legs hurt, I blamed it more so on my bike. . .
I'm most likely going to boot camp Wednesday or Thursday night, or both.  We are going to Omaha for the evening on Friday, so no boot camp then.  I'm excited for the concert, but do kind of hate to miss boot camp with my team, it's as if I am letting them down.  Could I be developing a habit?  I do feel SO much better on the days that I do something.  I am still having some OCD about food though.  Long story. . . I'll be chatting with the WFMY dietitian about it.
I keep hoping that one of these days I will put on my clothes and they will actually fit correctly, or maybe be a bit big, but no such luck yet.  I'm still rockin' the muffin top and have a very disproportionate profile.
Keep on keepin on. . . until next time.

Saturday

Woo Hoo, the Huskers won.  Boo Hoo, this Husker fan kind of lost.  Lost control with my food choices.  Where do I start?  The Runza at the game, the 1/2 a box of popcorn, the piece of pizza for dinner (YES, I FINALLY got pizza) or the chips and cheese with my BFF neighbor?  Definitely a personal foul worthy of a 15 yard penalty, let's just hope it isn't 15 pounds.  As I was stuffing the final chip into my mouth, I had flashbacks to my success at the bridge and knew I had to stop.  NOW.    I tried to justify my setback by going for a 2.7 mile walk.  (How do I know it was 2.7 miles?  I drove the route, hoping for a 5-10 number to show up on my odometer. ) 

I'm not going to dwell on it.  I can't deny that every stinking bite was DE-LIC-IOUS.  However, I must admit that I do feel miserable.  It could be the massive amount of water I have drank this evening,  in an attempt to flush out the weeks supply of sodium I consumed in a few short hours.

Tomorrow is a new day.  Sunday.  I will go to church and  have a deep conversation with the big trainer in heaven, ask for forgiveness and for the strength to keep on keepin' on.  I have also promised K that we can go for a "family" bike ride tomorrow.  I am a bit nervous.  I haven't ridden my bike in a LONG time, and am a bit fearful that I won't be able to balance and ride.  We do have some unused training wheels in the garage, but I don't think they were made for my bike.  I also have made it clear that we will be riding on a very flat, flat surface.  No biking around the neighborhood for this mama.  Too many hills, and I refuse to have to walk my fat self and my bike within the visual range of my neighbors.  I'm also slightly concerned that it will appear as if my butt has eaten the seat of my bike due to the significant "muffin top" of the butt while on a bike.  Sorry, too much information.

Thanks again for reading, mom.  :)  Until next time. . . . .

The Bridge

Friday.  Boot Camp.  I was in a foul mood when I went to boot camp tonight.  Pissed.  I wanted a piece of pizza and I wanted it B-A-D.  There is really no reason why I can't have a PIECE of pizza, but I can't stop and just one.  I was pissed because I have let myself get to the point where I look like I do.  To say I went into boot camp with an attitude was an understatement.

Boot camp started out as usual.  To put things in perspective the "walkers" go to the "street" when we do running/jogging and the "joggers" go to the bridge, which is about 300 yards farther.  The first time tonight, I went to the street in a combo of jogging and walking.  I still had the attitude, but found myself asking when the hell I planned to try the bridge.  I asked my trainer how far it was, and she is the one who explained that it was about 300 yards difference, and mostly "mental".  OK, game on.  We continued with our workout, and I kept thinking about the bridge. 

And then it happened.  Heidi (trainer) said "walkers to the street" and "joggers to the bridge".  I thought about it for a minute and then headed to the bridge. . . jogging.  Heidi jogged with me, and I did have to walk a couple of times, but I totally jogged more than I walked.  My team was AWESOME, cheering me home, encouraging me and celebrating with me when I made it back.  JOGGING. . . from the BRIDGE.  It was totally a milestone moment.  I now have crossed over to the "bridge crowd" and as often as I can I am going to the bridge.   I will still need the street occasionally, but I will NOT walk. . I will JOG as much as I can.  The rest of the workout was hard.  Damn hard.  I sweat more than I ever have, and it felt wonderful. 

When I got home, I had an English muffin (and some leftover fries) and didn't even give pizza a second thought.  So, I guess the bridge trumped the attitude AND the pizza.  I am encouraged.  I won't be able to go to boot camp next Friday (Toby and Trace in Omaha-yes!), and instead of just taking the night off, I am already planning on either Thursday night or Friday morning.  Thanks to Heidi for pushing me and encouraging me.  Thanks to team Body Innovations for cheering me on also.

So, thanks for reading mom.  Until later. . . . .

Strong Language. . . Read with caution

No news  is good news, right?  I don't have much to journal about today.  I went to boot camp again tonight, and purchased a package, which means I have invested money and I have to get my money's worth.  I am committed to going to BC on Wednesday and Friday. . . if my schedule allowed I would like to go more, but BK is already sucking it up and not complaining when I am gone two nights a week.  I feel very selfish for doing this sometimes, but I know from MUCH previous experience that I can not do this on my own. . .so, for the next 14 weeks I guess I will be selfish.  Hopefully with a new lifestyle I will be easier to live with. 

I almost lost it tonight at Boot Camp.  Some little BITCH (excuse my language, but that's how I feel) was looking at the WFMH bulletin board and said (and I quote) "Is that those weirdos from that health challenge".  I proceeded to look at her and let her know that we are NOT weird. . . fat yes, but NOT weird.  She tried to back track and apologize, but she can never talk her way out of that.  I hope that someday she has children and is not only blessed with wonderful, healthy children, but also a metabolism that is non existent AND an ass as big as the love she has for her kids.  THEN I hope that someone refers to her as "weird".  This was really my first face to face experience with discrimination because of my weight and it PISSED ME OFF.  I guess the only good thing is that I was able to RUN farther than ever after this, adrenaline I guess.  I could barely even look at her though without feeling so much anger, and ultimately sadness that she is so shallow and clueless.  Forgive, I know, but I can't right now.

So, carry on.  Keep on keepin' on, move more, eat less, and every other positive thinking cliche' that I can think of.  Until later. . . . .

Weigh Day

Weigh Day #1, and as always, I was having an internal anxiety attack.  I was wishing I wouldn't have eaten this or that, or drank so much water today, blah, blah, blah.  When I got on the scale, I closed my eyes and said a prayer to Jesus.  Not so much a prayer to lose weight ( I pray for that almost hourly) but rather to not have a meltdown if I didn't lose, or worse yet GAINED.  Now, I know, I shouldn't worry about the number, but I am paying for this and a damn well better at least loose a few pounds.  Especially since I have cut back to nearly no carbs and only 2 diet cokes a day.  When I went back to my seat to look at my "numbers", my heart was racing so quickly and my breathing was just as if I had completed back to back boot camps.  OK, when I finally had the courage to look, I had lost just under 6 pounds.  Yes friends, I said LOST.  Amen, hallelujah, praise Jesus.  Now, I know that there will not be this kind of loss every week. . .wouldn't that be awesome if I did, but it was total motivation to keep on keepin' on.  I must say that the English muffin and peanut butter made out of only peanuts-NOTHING ELSE tasted like a big piece of heaven washed down with a diet coke, which is the nectar of the Gods to me. 

So tomorrow is a new day in my new life.  I am planning to walk while my daughter dances, boot camp Wednesday and Friday, and then something on the other days.  I did a 5K this past weekend, and while I did not run it (maybe 100 yards) I finished and felt as if I pushed myself the entire time.  I would like to have done better with my time, but I am doing another 5K in a few weeks, and hopefully I can cut off a few seconds. 

Keep on keepin' on to health and fitness.  Until next time. . .

Boot Camp #2

Today was boot camp #2.  To say I was apprehensive is like asking if the state of Nebraska is excited for the game tomorrow.  HELL YEAH I was apprehensive.  However, working out with my WFMH group was AWESOME.  I felt like I could push myself more and not look like a fish trying to flop itself back into the ocean from the beach.  I still sweat like a pig, and had to stop periodically, but I LOVED IT.  It felt good.  I didn't have the urge to cry, nor did I have the burning desire to puke.  I am going to go back Wednesday night with the kick my ass crew, but that's OK, it will only force me to work hard and try to improve.  Someday maybe I will the kick my ass crew. . . ok I'm getting goofy, I just hope to be healthy and fit.  (and maybe a little k-m-a)

Lianna (trainer) was so right when she said I would be more sore today than I was yesterday.  Walking was a challenge and I seriously considered standing to pee just so I wouldn't have to force myself up and down off of the toilet.  (Too much information?)  However, risking peeing down my leg, I fought through the pain and took it like a woman!  It has to get easier, or I'm just going to get better at holding it. 

The hard part is the food.  I am SO afraid I am going to eat something wrong, too much of something, etc.  This has always been my problem in the past when I've "watched my weight".  I get such an extreme case of anxiety before stepping on the scale, that I darn near pass out.  Monday night we have to weigh, and I keep telling myself that it is only  a number, and feeling better and being more active is more important.  Well. . .let's put that in perspective.  I could also say that my checking account balance ( or lack thereof) is also "only a number" and that buying things on sale and only things we need is more important.  Whatever, it is a number that matters, and SO is my weight.  Let's just pray that my weight will go down and my balance in the checking account will go up! 

I'm headed home for Labor Day.  I'm already signed up for a 5K on Sunday (walk of course), and I have to do something on Saturday and Monday, after all, that "number" gets recorded on Monday.  As much as I say that being competitive and winning doesn't matter, deep down, I want to be competitive, I want to do well, and darn right, I want to win. 

Thanks for reading (if anyone is reading) and until next time. . . . .

Boot Camp

Boot Camp #1 was last night.  It was nearly Boot Camp #1 and only due to the fact that I have NEVER felt so close to death in my entire life.  It was a workout like I have only imagined and feared.  To put things in perspective, I have birthed two children, one without drugs, and would gladly endure that again rather than feel what I felt last night.  I have never wanted to cry during exercise, nor had to bite my lip to prevent the tears from coming. . . until last night.  Don't get me wrong, the people were supportive (OK, two of them were supportive), but the rigorous, non stop one hour of cardio and strength training was more than my body has even considered in twenty plus years.  I did things (attempted to do things) that I have seen on The Biggest Loser and wondered how those people endured that.  I was humiliated by my weakness and overall pathetic physical condition.  I was humiliated to be attempting to do a majority of this work outside and people on the Mo Pac trail going by and most likely wondering how long it would be until 911 had to be called.  It was THAT ugly.    I was encouraged by the 7 others that were in my class and able to carry on a conversation WHILE doing this workout.  My team coach, Deb, was in my class and could sense my situation.  She was so encouraging, and supportive.  Had she not been there, I don't know if I could or would go back.  My trainer, Lianna also was a gem, encouraging me and showing me modifications of the exercises to do, since it was quite obvious that I would not be able to maintain any level of participation with the 7 Olympians that were in my class.  She even emailed me last night with some more encouragement and suggestions for what to do on days that I don't attend boot camp.

SO, will I go back?  The old Robin would have said "hell, no" and headed to the chips.  Me, on my quest to be healthy and physically fit, WILL be going back tomorrow night, and next Wednesday and Friday, and on and on.  I WILL also be doing something on my off days.  This is going to become habit, just like NOT exercising has been a habit for so long.  (TOO long)  Will I drive home with my head out the window, wanting to puke?  Probably so, one boot camp isn't going to whip me into shape.  Do I feel muscles in places I didn't even know HAD muscles?  Yep, but I truly feel it is a sign of progress, a sign of change, a sign of health and physical fitness.  At least today I'm laughing at how I must have looked out there.  A tall, overweight, middle aged mama, trying to compete with these toned, young, competitive, never had to worry about being fat a day in their life girls.  I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the door of a building when I was doing side lunges around the parking lot. . . let's just say that any time there was a mirror or window in the view after that. . . I closed my eyes.  I felt like an ad for the Jell-O commercials "See it wiggle, see it jiggle".

Game on, I can do this, I WILL do this, and I will not be a living representation of Jell-O forever.  Bring it on boot camp, bring it on.

Until later. . . . .

The journey continues. . . slowly

I'm quite certain that all of you (Nicki) have been on the edge of your seat waiting for another update on my WFMH journey.  Well, let's see. . . last night was our first weekly group meeting.  There were parts that were good and parts that were a bit too metaphorical for me.  In the end though, it again confirmed that I can,and WILL do this.  I want to be healthy and fit. . . that is my new mantra! 

I struggle still though.  Exercise hasn't happened yet.  I start boot camp tomorrow and I CAN'T WAIT. . . serious.  I have committed to 3 sessions a week and hopefully will do more at home on the non boot camp days.  I received an email from my trainer today and she implied that by the end I could be jogging.  FREAKING JOGGING, and she didn't  mention the risk of neck injury from jiggling parts.  I have always thought that runners looked so healthy and fit (mantra again), and graceful.  Now, graceful and me are not synonyms by any length of the imagination.  But, just the thought of saying I "went for a run" and mean it gives me butterflies.  Maybe my mantra really should be "healthy and fit- HOLY SHIT", because I cannot tell you the last time I would have used either of those words in describing myself.

We went to the grocery store tonight.  I ran into the winner from the first session of WFMH.  She is so sweet, and didn't seem to mind me stalking  her and asking 10,000 questions regarding what she did to be so successful. Let's just say we chatted for a LONG while. . .her daughters and mine are now on a first name basis!   I came home with water, Greek Yogurt (LOVE it), and many other healthy options.  Brady and the kids weren't quite as excited with the purchases, but they too will grow to love Greek Yogurt and Kashi cereal. NOT.   My biggest struggle is what to make for supper.  I'm fairly certain that the Schwan's catalog does not contain a lot of options that would make my trainers proud. (Sorry Schwan's Bob)

So, tomorrow the exercise is added.  Game on, rock on, whatever.  I will NOT be posting pictures of boot camp, that is wrong on so many levels.  I would ask for your prayers however. This body has not even thought about that much activity in one hour, let alone participated in it for decades.  I am also hoping to be able to walk on Thursday without someone thinking I have a debilitating condition.  Although, technically, obesity could be debilitating, right?  :)

Thanks for your continued support.  Remember, I WILL be healthy and fit.

Until later. . . . . .

In the Begining

Day 1
I'm not really sure how one goes about setting up a blog.  I read and enjoy many blogs, but never really entertained the thought of starting my own.  Until today.  Today was day one of the wealth for my health challenge.  In the past 5 days, I read about, applied for, was selected and started this journey to overall fitness and health. 

Originally, I planned to keep this a well kept secret between my husband, parents, and fellow co-workers that are joining me on the journey. That way, if I didn't do well or follow through, no one would have to know about my failure.   However, it is no secret to anyone that I am the fattest (YES mom, I AM fat) that I have ever been, so why should my journey to change that be a secret?  Don't get me wrong, I am not planning on a major announcement regarding my blog, but at the same time, I'm OK sharing  this with others in order to journal my experiences, successes, and in all reality, occasional failures, or should I say "setbacks"? 

So, what was Day 1 really about?  We (all 70) participants met at Antelope Park, listed to Marty from the Biggest Loser, Season 3, and had our first challenge.  (When I learn to incorporate pictures I will post a photo of Marty.)  We have been divided into 4 teams, based upon our trainers and then we were presented our first challenge.  To say I was nervous was an understatement.  It was just last week that I walked uphill (slight incline, not even really a hill)  to pick up my daughter from a neighbor's house and felt short of breath from that!  My team (Body Innovations) was then further divided into 4 groups.  Our trainers asked us who wanted to answer questions and who wanted to do jumping jacks.  Figuring that I could at least do a jumping jack, I volunteered for that.  HOLY CRAP, no one warned me that the jumping jacks would be AFTER we had to run across the park, to the sandbox, and THEN run back to where we started.  I do not want to offend anyone with too much information, but between feeling as if my stomach or ass that was flopping in every which direction was going to fly up and cause permanent neck damage while running to nearly peeing myself with each jumping jack (childbirth + fat= bad combination), I had instant confirmation that this is EXACTLY where I need to be.  My team didn't win the challenge, but that's OK, I was too short of breath to even notice!

AFTER this, we next were weighed, measured (neck, shoulders, chest, arms, thighs, waist, and calves), and had our body fat calculated.  It was in private, NOT a public humiliation like on the Biggest Loser.  Talk about a depressing experience.  The comforting part (besides leaving) was hearing the contestants from the last challenge talk about the amount of weight, number of inches, and overall improved health they feel since starting 4 months ago.

While I would love to win the final $1000 prize, setting a good example for my kids, eating right, exercising and establishing new GOOD habits far outweighs (no pun intended) any amount of money.  Don't get me wrong, $1000 would be welcome anytime, but I want this change to be forever, FOR-E-VER!

Tomorrow night (Monday) we have a weekly meeting, and our first group boot camp is scheduled for Friday, but it is my goal to attend at least 3 boot camps a week!  I think that the term boot camp sounds intimidating, but everyone told me that the boot camps are FUN, and our team trainers are the best!  I really am excited, and I can't remember the last time I was excited for exercise.

So, game on.  It's a new journey, but one that has been a long time coming, and very necessary.  I know I can  and will do it.  I'm so grateful to BK for encouraging me, supporting me and promising to do whatever he can to take care of our family while I spend the next four months (and ultimately forever) creating new habits and going from the Fat Star to the All Star.  My family IS the best!

Until next time. . . . .