I am still in. . . .in the competition that is. I dropped from #20 to #22, and the top 27 remained, so while I am still "in", I am NOT even close to the top three and the final prize at the end. That is ok though, I have said all along that I am not in it to win it, but rather to develop life long habits (such as exercise). I must say that on the days that I don't exercise I feel bad (physically and mentally). That is a big change for me. It the recent past, it used to be that on the days I DID exercise (which weren't many) I felt bad in every way. Progress.
Boot camps are still T-O-U-G-H. Not getting any easier, and on the days that I go with the general population and not the WFMH group, they are really killer. The physically fit people still look down their noses as me, and some still appear to feel sorry for me, and NO ONE wants to be my partner. I DON'T CARE. If they only knew the progress (albeit small) I have made, they would cheer me on, and maybe not fear having to be my partner. Their loss. On the other hand, I LOVE the Friday boot camp. Those are my people, they are floating in my boat, and understand everything about my journey to fitness. I don't feel bad when I have to do the "modified" version of an exercise in front of them, I don't feel bad when I am the last one done running (yes my friends, I am RUNNING), and I don't feel bad when my stomach still jiggles like the Thanksgiving jell-o mold. They are my people. They understand, they cheer, and they keep coming back, knowing full well that it will be another ass kicking hour of exercise!
Running. Now don't get excited, I am not training for a half marathon, or even a 5K, but I am also not running to the street anymore, and consistently running (jogging really) to the bridge with minimal walking, but it is progress. The WFMH people are getting a Saturday morning walk/run club going and I am seriously considering doing it. My bucket list is short, and the top of it is to complete a 5K with doing more jogging than running. Baby steps.
Eating. Damn, that still kills me. If I could be more consistent with that, I would be farther up on the list. I love food, and I hate to journal about the food I love. As long as I am exercising and the #'s are moving down, I am not going to freak out about the food. I am doing as good as I can right now, and rather than get my anxiety all out of control, I am going to accept things as they are.
My family is still being awesome about all of this. BK has NEVER complained about me being gone to boot camp or meetings, and is ALWAYS supportive of my progress. THAT is comforting in and of itself. I owe them all, but hopefully if I establish and maintain some healthy habits, they will follow suit and in the long run we will all be better off. I want my kids to make exercise a routine part of their lives so that when they are 40 they are not in my situation.
The numbers to current. Nothing astonishing, but at least they are less than they were on 8-29-10. Weight is down 14 lbs., abdomen circumference is down about 3 1/2 inches, and body fat is down 2.9. I'm certain (positive) I would still fall into the "obese" category, but who really gives a shit what category they are in as long as they are doing something to change!
So, that is the latest. I'm headed to dance for my daughter tonight, which means walking for me in order to keep on keepin' on.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Half way there
Sorry for the delay in posts, for the two of you that read. I bet you are wondering if I have fallen off the wagon, bellied up to the buffet, went AWOL from boot camp, or just plan called it quits. The answer to ALL of the above is NO, no I haven't done anything in any way to quit. I am still going to boot camp, still trying to be active on non boot camp days, and trying to eat right.
We are at the half way mark, and I must say I have hit a wall. I have struggled more this past two weeks with my diet and being active than I have the entire time. I have nothing to attribute it to other than shear and complete laziness. It pisses me off when I don't do something to exercise everyday, as much as it pisses me off when I eat like crap. Don't get me wrong, I'm not pigging out on fast food and crap, but I am not eating enough fruit and veggies. Salt has been my friend, not a good friend. I lost a titch of weight this week, but not enough. I had hoped that by this point in the game I would have lost a helluva lot more.
The reality really hit me today. We get weighed and measured on Monday and I want to "move on" (as opposed to be eliminated) but am not going to if I don't kick it up a notch. My daughter and I went to the bike path tonight and exercised for 2 miles. She was like a mini personal trainer. She was setting goals for me for when to run and when to walk, and when I was running, she was yelling positive words to me the entire time. She was biking while coaching me. I still had trouble running, but tried to keep up with the goals set by my the trainer. While I was jogging (and I can still feel my butt flopping up and down in rhythm to my steps) I was thinking how glad I am that she likes exercise and how important it is to have her make it a habit now, rather than when she is a fat 40 something mama.
The "beast" that I spoke of in an earlier post, the one who holds me back on "the hill" on Friday night, is in FIRST PLACE over all. I am so proud of him and jokingly let him know that I feel that in a small way I have contributed to his success. Now, if I could have half of his success I would be a more (not totally) happy woman. I probably could have some of his success if I worked my ass off like he does. He told me that the only day he doesn't work out, work out HARD, is Sunday. He deserves to be in first place. Way to go Rob.
So, game on for an active weekend. Game on for healthy eating, and game on to keep on keepin' on!!!
We are at the half way mark, and I must say I have hit a wall. I have struggled more this past two weeks with my diet and being active than I have the entire time. I have nothing to attribute it to other than shear and complete laziness. It pisses me off when I don't do something to exercise everyday, as much as it pisses me off when I eat like crap. Don't get me wrong, I'm not pigging out on fast food and crap, but I am not eating enough fruit and veggies. Salt has been my friend, not a good friend. I lost a titch of weight this week, but not enough. I had hoped that by this point in the game I would have lost a helluva lot more.
The reality really hit me today. We get weighed and measured on Monday and I want to "move on" (as opposed to be eliminated) but am not going to if I don't kick it up a notch. My daughter and I went to the bike path tonight and exercised for 2 miles. She was like a mini personal trainer. She was setting goals for me for when to run and when to walk, and when I was running, she was yelling positive words to me the entire time. She was biking while coaching me. I still had trouble running, but tried to keep up with the goals set by my the trainer. While I was jogging (and I can still feel my butt flopping up and down in rhythm to my steps) I was thinking how glad I am that she likes exercise and how important it is to have her make it a habit now, rather than when she is a fat 40 something mama.
The "beast" that I spoke of in an earlier post, the one who holds me back on "the hill" on Friday night, is in FIRST PLACE over all. I am so proud of him and jokingly let him know that I feel that in a small way I have contributed to his success. Now, if I could have half of his success I would be a more (not totally) happy woman. I probably could have some of his success if I worked my ass off like he does. He told me that the only day he doesn't work out, work out HARD, is Sunday. He deserves to be in first place. Way to go Rob.
So, game on for an active weekend. Game on for healthy eating, and game on to keep on keepin' on!!!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
eating crow
True to the way my life goes, I complain about something and then it all works out. Case in point. . .my last post and what actually happened on Monday night. My team had a huge turn out, and contrary to what I thought was true. . . . we ALL worked out, but 3 people did do a bit more. We started out by doing 20 jumping jacks right there on the side walk across from the Lied Center. . . I was just praying that I wouldn't pee myself with each jumping jack. I would venture to guess that a lot of other females in the group were praying the same prayer. After jumping jacks, the 3 people took off on their adventure, and the rest of us (10) were given a clue and told it was non timed and non competitive. We were to find some naked bodies downtown. We came in dead last because we found EVERY stinking thing that resembled a naked body besides what we were supposed to find. SO one hour later, and jogging all over downtown Lincoln, we finally found some naked bodies on a building across from the capitol. Instead of the 1.8 miles we were supposed to do, I'd say we were double that. We all agreed that we wanted to burn some fat, so most of us jogged a lot of it. It was fun and felt good. I hope no one I know saw me jogging down O street though, trust me, it ain't pretty. I don't even care that we got lost, or came in dead last. . . it was the idea that in the end we all got to participate in some way and didn't have to stand on the sidewalk like the fat kid no one wants on their team.
Tonight, a friend and I went on a fast walk, and I jogged about the last 1/8 of a mile home. I have made it a goal to jog at least 1 full mile without stopping by Thanksgiving. I did get summoned for federal jury duty the entire month of November, it better not interfere with my exercising. I know it is my civil duty, but it is also my duty to maintain my quest for health.
Back on the scale this coming Monday, so keep on keepin' on. . . .
Tonight, a friend and I went on a fast walk, and I jogged about the last 1/8 of a mile home. I have made it a goal to jog at least 1 full mile without stopping by Thanksgiving. I did get summoned for federal jury duty the entire month of November, it better not interfere with my exercising. I know it is my civil duty, but it is also my duty to maintain my quest for health.
Back on the scale this coming Monday, so keep on keepin' on. . . .
Friday, October 8, 2010
Pity Party
Just as the title says, this entry is all about feeling sorry for myself, so read it at your own discretion. Let me preface also by saying I only went to boot camp once this week. . totally my bad. I'm not going to get into reasons or excuses, it is what it is.
OK, so boot camp. There were 9 of us there working or a$$es off. During the course of the class, our trainer told us that on Monday night at our "amazing chase" challenge there will be 5 people from each team that will do the physical portion challenge. Apparently the rest will be the cheering section. At the end of the class, she asked 3 of the people there if they were "up" for being part of the "Active 5" (not to be confused with the Jackson 5). The remaining 6 of us weren't offered the opportunity to be part of this elite group. I'm not going to lie, I AM PISSED. I know my trainer did not mean anything offensive. The bottom line is that once again I am being picked last because I am fat. Not only myself, but the other 6 that were at boot camp with me. What is the point of us even going on Monday. We were told that we would be the "brains" for the "runners". If I weren't dedicated to my team, I would keep my a$$ at home and do my own workout. I will go and stand there like an idiot, cheering on the Active 5. I will pretend that I don't realize that it is all about the winning and coming in 1st. I will try to not be upset at the fact that despite all of my and the majority of my team mates hard work, we are not good enough. I fully realize that I am NOT the strongest, the fastest, or most talented. I AM loyal, hardworking, and putting 100% effort into this. Maybe when we actually get there it will be different, but it sure doesn't sound like it. What is the saying "always a bridesmaid, never a bride?" Maybe my saying on Monday will be "always a cheerleader, never a leader". :)
If you have kept reading, I will not apologize, you had fair warning that this was not a positive, inspirational post. It was pure emotional ANGER. I should turn that anger into motivation, but not tonight, I'm too pissed.
A funny story from boot camp. There is a guy on our team who is an animal. He is a beast. He works ridiculously hard, and had done amazingly well. (Yes, he is one of the Amazing 5). So, we have to partner up and head to "the hill". Since I am the only one of the group that is built like a man, I am placed with him for the drill. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with talent, strength, or skill. Purely size. We have a resistance band that I have to put around my waist, while he pulls a TON of resistance and then I am told to SPRINT up the hill. OK, he is a machine with amazing man strength. I was trying to drag his ass and mine up "the hill", feeling like a dying work horse trying to pull the Pioneers across the prairie. HOLY CRAP, we had to do this 3 times, and then switch. To put things in perspective of what strength he has, it took me and the trainer to hold him back while he was sprinting up "the hill", and I still don't think it was challenging to him. Again, what this must have looked like is beyond me, but whatever.
So, on Monday, I will cheer on the team, and will get over my jealousy that I am not one chosen to participate. (Personally, we ALL should be participating) I will keep on keepin' on.
OK, so boot camp. There were 9 of us there working or a$$es off. During the course of the class, our trainer told us that on Monday night at our "amazing chase" challenge there will be 5 people from each team that will do the physical portion challenge. Apparently the rest will be the cheering section. At the end of the class, she asked 3 of the people there if they were "up" for being part of the "Active 5" (not to be confused with the Jackson 5). The remaining 6 of us weren't offered the opportunity to be part of this elite group. I'm not going to lie, I AM PISSED. I know my trainer did not mean anything offensive. The bottom line is that once again I am being picked last because I am fat. Not only myself, but the other 6 that were at boot camp with me. What is the point of us even going on Monday. We were told that we would be the "brains" for the "runners". If I weren't dedicated to my team, I would keep my a$$ at home and do my own workout. I will go and stand there like an idiot, cheering on the Active 5. I will pretend that I don't realize that it is all about the winning and coming in 1st. I will try to not be upset at the fact that despite all of my and the majority of my team mates hard work, we are not good enough. I fully realize that I am NOT the strongest, the fastest, or most talented. I AM loyal, hardworking, and putting 100% effort into this. Maybe when we actually get there it will be different, but it sure doesn't sound like it. What is the saying "always a bridesmaid, never a bride?" Maybe my saying on Monday will be "always a cheerleader, never a leader". :)
If you have kept reading, I will not apologize, you had fair warning that this was not a positive, inspirational post. It was pure emotional ANGER. I should turn that anger into motivation, but not tonight, I'm too pissed.
A funny story from boot camp. There is a guy on our team who is an animal. He is a beast. He works ridiculously hard, and had done amazingly well. (Yes, he is one of the Amazing 5). So, we have to partner up and head to "the hill". Since I am the only one of the group that is built like a man, I am placed with him for the drill. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with talent, strength, or skill. Purely size. We have a resistance band that I have to put around my waist, while he pulls a TON of resistance and then I am told to SPRINT up the hill. OK, he is a machine with amazing man strength. I was trying to drag his ass and mine up "the hill", feeling like a dying work horse trying to pull the Pioneers across the prairie. HOLY CRAP, we had to do this 3 times, and then switch. To put things in perspective of what strength he has, it took me and the trainer to hold him back while he was sprinting up "the hill", and I still don't think it was challenging to him. Again, what this must have looked like is beyond me, but whatever.
So, on Monday, I will cheer on the team, and will get over my jealousy that I am not one chosen to participate. (Personally, we ALL should be participating) I will keep on keepin' on.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
week 6
The beginning of week 6. . . wow. When WFMH started, I hoped that by this point, I would be running road races, sleek and slim, and addicted to vegetables. Well, I am jogging more to " the bridge" more at boot camp, down 11 pounds, and making better food choices. . . so, all in all, while I have not met my delusional goals, I am headed in the right direction. I don't remember a time when I haven't wanted IMMEDIATE results. I am NOT a patient person, just ask my family.
While I survived the first elimination, I am envious of those individuals at the top of the leader board. I learned that several of those individuals are attending boot camp multiple times a week, and eating all of the right things. It is not feasible for me to attend boot camp more than twice a week, and I have a family to consider when eating. I want them to be healthy , but I do not want them to feel deprived or punished for my eating dysfunction. AFTER I get my own routine down and achieve the results I want, THEN I will work on getting more creative with the rest of the fam and a quest for consistent healthy eating. :)
Boot camp is NOT getting easier. Each class they push us farther and challenge us more. The stuff we are doing is activity that I NEVER EVER thought I could or would do. I DO think however that if someone video taped the charade they could win the prize on America's Funniest Home Videos. . . .it is a sight. This is not an invitation however for some whack-a-do with a camera to have open season on fatties trying to slim down and shape up. Our team had shirts made with the motto "just shut up and do it" on the back. We will be wearing them on Monday night when we are doing our own version of the amazing race throughout downtown Lincoln. Won't it be a site in downtown on Monday night with a plethora of fat people in team specific colored T-shirts exercising as if we have been doing it our entire life,when in reality we were really deciding what we would be having for our next meal.
Last night I walked on a path while my daughter was at dance. This is my routine every Tuesday night. . . I was feeling pretty good about my pace and even thinking that if I didn't need to pee so bad I possibly could have jogged a few steps. You could say I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then. It. Hit. A toned, tan, blonde with the sun perfectly setting behind her came jogging around the corner. She wasn't breathing heavy and looked good sweating. She made eye contact with me in an almost apologetic manner, as if she felt bad that she was jogging and looking good and despite my success over the past 5 weeks, I was STILL looking fat, frumpy, and a big ball of sweat. Reality bites.
So, that's about it. Keep on, keepin' on. Until next time. . .
While I survived the first elimination, I am envious of those individuals at the top of the leader board. I learned that several of those individuals are attending boot camp multiple times a week, and eating all of the right things. It is not feasible for me to attend boot camp more than twice a week, and I have a family to consider when eating. I want them to be healthy , but I do not want them to feel deprived or punished for my eating dysfunction. AFTER I get my own routine down and achieve the results I want, THEN I will work on getting more creative with the rest of the fam and a quest for consistent healthy eating. :)
Boot camp is NOT getting easier. Each class they push us farther and challenge us more. The stuff we are doing is activity that I NEVER EVER thought I could or would do. I DO think however that if someone video taped the charade they could win the prize on America's Funniest Home Videos. . . .it is a sight. This is not an invitation however for some whack-a-do with a camera to have open season on fatties trying to slim down and shape up. Our team had shirts made with the motto "just shut up and do it" on the back. We will be wearing them on Monday night when we are doing our own version of the amazing race throughout downtown Lincoln. Won't it be a site in downtown on Monday night with a plethora of fat people in team specific colored T-shirts exercising as if we have been doing it our entire life,when in reality we were really deciding what we would be having for our next meal.
Last night I walked on a path while my daughter was at dance. This is my routine every Tuesday night. . . I was feeling pretty good about my pace and even thinking that if I didn't need to pee so bad I possibly could have jogged a few steps. You could say I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then. It. Hit. A toned, tan, blonde with the sun perfectly setting behind her came jogging around the corner. She wasn't breathing heavy and looked good sweating. She made eye contact with me in an almost apologetic manner, as if she felt bad that she was jogging and looking good and despite my success over the past 5 weeks, I was STILL looking fat, frumpy, and a big ball of sweat. Reality bites.
So, that's about it. Keep on, keepin' on. Until next time. . .
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