A Sign?

I consider myself a Christian, and I truly believe that God answer's prayers. Sometimes it takes me quite a while to recognize the answer he is giving me, because it isn't necessarily the answer I was expecting or hoping for. I talk to God a lot about my weight and ask for his help in resolving my obsession with it. I talk to him about giving me strength with eating and to also give me the strength to keep on keepin' on.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what to do to kick up the weight loss. I haven't gained since December when WFMH ended, but I haven't lost either. Not. A. Pound. I was feeling OK with that and trying to convince myself to be happy with who I am, after all, I am still going to boot camp twice a week, and last week I finished up my 3 sessions of personal training. I have been thinking about rejoining WFMH, meeting with the dietitian at my gym, or rejoining Weight Watchers (WW). I have been talking with God about this and asking him to point me in the right direction. Then, through the voice of my favorite 7 year old (aka my daughter) he spoke to me. As we were driving down the highway, she said, out of the blue, "Mom, have you ever thought about doing Weight Watchers On-Line?". I knew immediately that she was the messenger for what I have been praying about. I was a bit sad, I must admit, because I HATE to count points and journal what I eat, but I HATE being fat more, so I think that this weekend, I will log on, sign up, and start my journey.
I am NOT giving up the exercise. I did not go to boot camp at all this week, and I totally am having guilt about it. I know that when I go Monday night, I will feel my week off. I did "wog" on Sunday and Monday, and felt pretty good about the fact that I jogged more than walked, but also wonder what my neighbors who drove by as I was "jogging" must have thought. I have no form, and occasionally find myself singing out loud to whatever song is on the iPod at the time! (Current favorite is Eric Church's "Smoke a little smoke"). I don't care what they thought, (ok, maybe a little), but still wonder? I am hoping to find someone in the next week to sign up and purchase some tandem personal training with me at the gym, but haven't had luck so far. The three sessions that I did 1:1 were FABULOUS and I truly loved every minute of it. There was no slacking and it was all about making me stronger and healthier. I know it is expensive, but so is being in the hospital from complications related to not working out. I keep trying to convince my husband that it would be a great thing for us to do, but he keeps looking at the $$ and ignoring me. He tried to convince me to do the Wii or the Xbox, and while in theory that sounds good, I am not disciplined enough. If I am not committed to someone, I won't do it. I do not have enough willpower to get it done on my own. I have great intentions but pathetic follow through.
So, I guess in order to keep on keepin' on, I will log on and sign up. After all, how can I ignore a direct communication from the man upstairs, or at least the cutest and smartest 7 year old I know! ;)

Love and Hate

I have a love hate relationship with food.  I hate that I love it so much.  I hate that I love to think about it, read about it, taste it, cook it, bake it, and watch about it on TV.  I hate that I don't have that same love for exercise.  I hate that I have minimal interest in rejoining weight watchers for the 293,349 time.  I hate that I haven't lost any weight since WFMH ended. I hate that I wake up thinking about food and my weight and have the same cravings and thoughts until I go to bed.  I hate that I am using the word hate so much.

I love that I have maintained my going to boot camp at least twice a week since WFMH ended.  Granted it has been difficult these past couple of weeks, mainly because of the weather.  I love how I feel after boot camp is over.  I love that Brady bought me 3 personal training sessions at Body Innovations and I get 1:1 time for an hour.  I love that tomorrow I am going to have boxing and "heavy" weight training.  I love that I haven't gained weight since WFMH ended.  I love that I feel guilty when I don't go to boot camp.  I love that Brady is going to boot camp also and clearly sees the benefit of it. . . makes my support that much easier. I love that I am trying to set good examples for my kids in terms of exercising.  I love that my love list is longer than my hate list. 

So, I will continue to work on decreasing my hates and increasing my loves.  I will keep on keepin' on. . . I love the way that sounds.