Screw You, Kate

Did you see the cover of the new People magazine?  It's our favorite fame whore, Kate Gosselin, showing off her "new body".  Words can't explain how I feel about her.  I can't stand her on so many different levels.  One big level is that I am flat out jealous of her body.  I am also jealous of the 3 chicks at boot camp tonight.  Toned, tight, and terribly fit.  Then there was me, fat, flabby, and forever short of breath.  We worked our butts off (or so it seemed) and it felt good.  Tonight was probably the hardest time I've had getting there, but again it felt so good to have gone and be done.  I can't go tomorrow night, Brady and I are going to Omaha for a concert for our anniversary.  He wants to go out to eat, which is fine, but doesn't hold the same level of excitement that it did 3 weeks ago.  I know I should eat to live, not live to eat, but the thought of going somewhere without kids, remotely nice and ordering a salad just sucks.  We get weighed on Monday, so I don't want to potentially gain because of my self pity.  Salads are nice. . . when someone else is eating them.

I am still motivated, but frustrated at the same time.  I am SO impatient and want to see some immediate results.  Not only in my clothes and the way they fit, but the endurance I have at boot camp.  It still seems as if I have no upper body or abdominal strength.  I'm fairly certain that my body resembles the Arch in St. Louis when I attempt to do push ups, with my ass being the top of the arch.  I am still doing the "modified" exercises that the others are doing the "real thing", all while carrying on a conversation.  I think I know how it feels to be the "special" student in the class.  I didn't even make it to the bridge tonight.

The thought of weighing on Monday already has me in a twit.  What if I gain?  I will be pissed.  All of this hard work for no loss is going to tip me over the edge.  I plan to work like a dog this weekend, my trainers gave me a workout to do at home on non boot camp days.  So if you see the Arch in my driveway, it isn't passing through, it is just me trying to do my push ups. 

The journey continues one squat, one lunge, one push up, one mountain climber (PAINFUL), one super man (Impossible), one butt kick, one high knee,  one jog at a time. . .

Until next time. . . .