When I started this blog, I fully expected that I would either have quit blogging by now, OR, I would weigh far less than I did when I started this journey. It turns out that I was wrong on both accounts. I am still blogging, and I am still incredibly overweight. I have not gotten on a scale in a VERY long time. I used the excuse that it caused anxiety. In all reality, it caused me to realize that I am fat and that caused the anxiety.
I have joined yet another fitness challenge. This time it is at work with a group of coworkers. It officially starts Monday, the 23rd, but we had to weigh in today. OMG freakin' scale tipping numbers. I about shit my pants when I saw the number. It was NOT shitting my pants in a good way either. (I don't know when it is good to shit your pants) It was an all out, get your poop in a group and get the eating under control kind of shit my pants. I about died. It was bad. Really bad. I had foolishly convinced myself that by exercising I would prevent myself from gaining weight. It is just a damn good thing I have been exercising, or else I would have had to go to the freight elevator scale to weigh in.
I am my own worst enemy. I can convince myself of about anything bad related to food is OK. I will tell myself that it is OK to eat crappy for a day or two and then I will get back on track. The sad reality is that I have not gotten back on track. I am lying on the track and repeatedly getting run over by the carbohydrate, cheese train!
I met with a dietitian last week and talked about a plan to get back on the wagon. I should have started today, but due to my lack of planning, I had no groceries and made some crappy choices. I also convinced myself that since I will be gone every night this week that perhaps I should wait until next week to start. GRRR.
I am in a mild panic about the month of June and exercise. I have clinical 3 mornings a week and the kids have ball Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday evenings. I don't want to lose anything I may have gained from boot camp, and that is a huge fear.
SO, back on the good food choice wagon, I hope. Finding a plan for regular exercise despite the chaos of everyday life, and keepin' on keepin' on. . . .